great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
