I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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