DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
