hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
