And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
