JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
