The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
