And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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