it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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