no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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