I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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