I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
