yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
