so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
