Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
