I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
