i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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