"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
