Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
