Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
