Someone shit on the floor
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
