My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
