oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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