I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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