I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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