I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
