just tell him i said nine months
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
