So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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