the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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