i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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