Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
