Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
