Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
