She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
