i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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