What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
