You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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