I heard we made out
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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