the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
