Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
