WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize