yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize