he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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