im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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