just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
