So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we made out on top of his cat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize