I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
