I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
