This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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