I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
