Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
