My friends, they love my intelligence
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
