Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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