dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's official drugs can't kill me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
