Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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