Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
