new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
