btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
