Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
