omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize