if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
