I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
