I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Are my feet made of real feet?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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