I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
