do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
