brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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