I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
