Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
