waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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