I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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