I hate your face
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
