i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I enjoy the company of your penis
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