So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
