I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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